Christmas is an emotional time. For many of us, it brings families together, builds anticipation for surprise, and brings joy to children. We have become so ingrained with this image of Christmas that we accept it as “normal,” especially with how it is portrayed through mass and social media. Yet while Christmas is joyous for most, this isn’t the case for everyone. For some, Christmas can trigger old wounds during a time that reveals what was lost and invites rumination, particularly when we see others in celebration. It can even leave us questioning whether we are “normal” for not feeling the festive spirit as we believe we “should.”
We often expect that our lives should follow the same emotional pattern as everyone else: that weekends should be happy, holidays relaxed, and Christmas always merry. There is a quiet pressure to present ourselves as “normal,” to show that our lives reflect what is expected, to appear appealing or acceptable to others. These ideas though deserve to be challenged. Behind the stories of Christmas joy lie many other realities through the stress of fractured families, the ache of separation, and the quiet experience of those who are alone, whether by circumstance or by choice.
While we acknowledge the desire to be “normal” is part of life, we also need to release the stigma attached to it. When we move away from the “shoulds” and consider the “coulds,” we are not detaching from reality; rather, we free ourselves emotionally from rigid expectations when life unfolds differently than we imagined.
Christmas is, of course, a time for celebration and goodwill. Yet beyond its commercial pull, it is meant to cultivate unity, gratitude for what we have, and remembrance for those we have lost. The intensity and commercialisation of Christmas can make this difficult to see, we can though look deeper. Christmas can be an opportunity to direct goodwill toward ourselves and release the belief that we must be happy at all times. Even among our hardships, Christmas can promote comfort, acceptance, and space for all our feelings, good and bad.
The irony of adversity is that it teaches us how to coexist with it. Not by pretending it isn’t there, but by understanding ourselves through its presence. Even on Christmas Day.
John Zavaglia is the therapist & founder of Mind Life offering services in Mental Health counselling focusing on anxiety, depression, treating phobia’s, grief & addiction. Mind Life Is an accredited mental health services provider under the guild of the Australian Counselling Association. (ACA)
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