When a relationship ends, the first few weeks can bring a flurry of phone calls, messages and check-ins from friends and family. But what happens months, or even years later, when those conversations become less frequent?
New Australian research suggests this later period may matter more to men’s mental health than many realise.
Research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies’ (AIFS) Ten to Men study found men who experienced an intimate partner relationship breakdown had significantly higher rates of suicidal thoughts and attempts than men who had not recently separated.
In Short
- New research from the Ten to Men study indicates that almost 31 per cent of men who experienced a relationship breakdown in the previous year reported suicidal thoughts.
- The elevated mental health risk does not disappear quickly, with men remaining up to 3.7 times more likely to attempt suicide one to two years after separating.
- Pressures such as ongoing loneliness, financial strain, and changes in parenting arrangements continue to impact men well beyond the initial separation.
- Ahead of R U OK?Day, experts urge friends and family to act as frontline responders by maintaining ongoing check-ins months or even years down the track.
In 2024, almost 31 per cent of men who experienced a relationship breakdown in the previous year reported suicidal thoughts, compared with 14 per cent of those who had not.
But importantly, the increased risk did not disappear with time. Men who experienced relationship breakdown were up to 3.7 times more likely to attempt suicide one to two years later and remained around 2.8 times more likely three to four years on.
The findings are particularly timely ahead of R U OK?Day on September 10, which encourages Australians to stay connected and have meaningful conversations with people who may be struggling. Its broader message, “Ask R U OK? Any Day,” emphasises that checking in is not something reserved for one day of the year.
Dr Sean Martin, Longitudinal Head of Ten to Men at AIFS, said there was a misconception that the effects of relationship breakdown on men were only acutely felt.
“Our findings suggest the picture is more complex. For some men this is true, while for others there is evidence of elevated risk both around the time of separation and, for some outcomes, years later,” Dr Martin said.
Relationship breakdown can bring pressures that continue well beyond the initial separation. Dr Martin said these may include ongoing loneliness, changes in identity, financial pressures, parenting arrangements, housing instability and a gradual loss of social support.
For friends and family, his message is simple: keep checking in.
“One practical message from our research is the importance of maintaining contact over time,” Dr Martin said.
“Family, friends and community members often rally around someone immediately after a separation, but ongoing check-ins can be just as important months or even years later, especially in reinforcing the availability of social support when needed.”
Checking in does not need to mean having all the answers. R U OK? recommends starting with an open conversation, listening without judgement, encouraging action where needed and, importantly, following up afterwards.
For someone going through a breakup, support can be as simple as going for a walk together, helping with everyday tasks or making time to listen. Rather than trying to solve the problem, friends can ask what would help and encourage professional support when someone is struggling.
Dr Martin said friends, family and others in a man’s life can act as “frontline responders” because they are often well placed to notice changes in usual behaviour, while specialist services can provide guidance when more support is needed.
The Ten to Men findings add weight to a simple message this R U OK?Day: asking once matters, but staying connected afterwards may matter just as much.
