Real blokes don’t talk about their feelings, apparently.
Men and women are different –they socialise in different ways, they express themselves in different ways, and they are hard-wired to view the world differently.
Research from Deborah Tannen PhD in her book “You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation” suggests that men and women engage in different communication styles, wherein women promote emotional connection, and males are focused on exchanging information rather than offering emotional support. Tannen proposes that women make eye contact and face each other while talking, compared to men who are more likely look away.
Tim Hewson felt these differences. Going through a divorce and struggling with his mental health, he had reached out to some female friends. What he found was that the women would ask provoking questions, they listened and encouraged him, and validated his feelings. When his male friend suggested they run down Dee Why beach to help him clear his mind, Tim started to employ the conversation tactics of women to start meaningful discussion.
Soon after, Mongrels Men was born. In 2019, Tim sent out a Facebook invite for men to do a sunrise yoga session at Dee Why. Complete strangers turned up, willing to make new social connections. It expanded from there, with Pilates, endurance walks, and raising money for charities who organise events for blokes.
‘After a while it became a great space for us to share,’ explains Tim Hewson, Founder of Mongrels Men. ‘We talked and walked shoulder to shoulder, scratching beneath the surface, which is less confronting for guys… My own personal good mental health practices are movement, activity, conversation and connection with others.’
Mongrels Men became a charity, the funds they raised funnelled directly into the community-based programs they offer to prevent, fight against, and reduce mental health challenges and suicidality in men.
Weekly, Mongrels Men have community meet ups – activity-based sessions around physical movement. Monthly, the charity hosts Doghouse Events, where professional educators, speakers, and facilitators will touch on subjects like sleep health, gut health, and exercise to lift the level of education among the mongrels. Tim describes the workshops as “mental health first aid”.
Annually, Mongrels Men host a golf day in New South Wales, an opportunity to get guys together to raise money, awareness, and spread their message.
Mongrels Men have 12 locations across NSW and Queensland.
These include Dee Why, Manly, Avoca, Noosa, Nelson Bay, North Sydney, Bondi, Brisbane, Kingscliff, Queenscliff, Burleigh Heads, and Barcaldine. Soon, locations in Newcastle, Tasmania, Adelaide, and Malabar are set to open.
‘Generations [of men] have been told to suck it up,’ explains Tim. ‘It’s getting better, but even though there is more awareness, you still need to learn how to have meaningful conversations. It doesn’t mean you have to sit and cry, it means you have to be able to connect with others.’
Holiday season can be devastating for mental health and isolation. ‘What you find during the holidays, guys use the WhatsApp groups to organise ad hoc meet ups,’ says Tim. ‘That’s what we want them to do… create unstructured support networks in their local community. Friendship grows, the trust grows, the alliance of these men becomes a lot deeper.’
Joining involves turning up to the weekly events and introducing yourself. All details are on the Mongrels Men socials and site.
For more information about Mongrels Men, visit mongrelsmen.com
